#0liveleaf talks

[0liveleaf]

anyone else think that Charlie Bear Malcom looks like a sun bear? 🤗

[0liveleaf]

I scrolled through so many posts to find this again! I love it!! 💗

💥rip 'em up.📒

∘₊✧ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧

"you're awfully quiet today, love," your caregiver says softly as they come into the living room. you'd finished up with your classwork for the day and had settled on the couch, flicking through tv shows with little interest.

you shrug without any other response, not particularly in the mood to chat. there's a tense bubble in your stomach and part of you knows that if you say anything, it'll be mean for no good reason. you can feel your caregiver's eyes on you, and you scowl slightly.

"i'm just watching tv," you say, despite the fact that you've yet to choose anything in the last twenty minutes, "you don't have to stare at me." your words are snappier than you meant and immediately you regret them when your caregiver hums and turns away without saying anything else.

now you're angry at yourself, too. that wasn't fair, wasn't nice. but you're never nice, you think to yourself, you're just really good at acting like it. really, you're just-

your internal spiral is paused by the return of your caregiver, hefting a cardboard box. they don't look upset, but your stomach twists anyway. before you can fumble out an apology you hope sounds genuine, they wave you over. the box is full of notebooks- you recognize some of them as notebooks from previous classes, from high school. they're all half-used, with too much unused paper to want to throw away.

you give a look to your caregiver who pulls out a notebook and hands it to you.

"...i don't wanna write. don't wanna draw or scribble either," you say with a frown, knowing that you've done those things in the past. the idea of accidentally breaking a crayon right now makes your stomach twist again.

"then you don't have to," they say simply, settling onto the floor across from you, the box between you both. "but we've both been wanting to tear out the used papers from these notebooks, right?" you watch silently as they take a notebook and star tearing out the pages, delicately. one by one. you stare down at the one in your hand and frown.

you open the cover and tear out one page. and then the next. and then another, and another, and-

soon enough, you're just ripping pages out. your caregiver simply passes you a new notebook when you've torn out all the used paper, not stopping you from the frenzied pace. some of the notebooks end up more torn up than others, spirals mangled and the covers ripped up too.

your face is hot and angry tears sting your eyes, but your caregiver doesn't tell you to calm down or take a big breath. they let you rip and tear, paper shreds scattering the floor. you've gone through several notebooks before the pace slows and you hiccup. you rub your eyes angrily, your cheeks damp. it just makes you mad again and you toss the notebook away, flopping back onto the hard living room floor.

"s'not fair!" you shout, mostly up at the ceiling. you flail your arm at the pile of torn up paper around you, kick the box at your feet. there's a quiet shuffle as your caregiver scoots back a bit, just enough to give you a bit more space. you tug your hood down and shout into it, the fabric not exactly muffling the sound. it's just an explosion of words, of every little thing and every big thing.

by the time you go limp on the floor, your head hurts, your throat hurts, and your sleeve is damp with tears and snot.

"...you want a hug or do you want some more time, love?" comes the careful, soft voice of your caregiver. they'd sat there the whole time, just letting you rip and tear, kick and flail, get it all out. when you sniffle and nod, they move over, taking your head into their lap. "that was a lot, huh? you had that in you for a while, little love."

you sniffle again and nod, hiding your face in their shirt. you don't want to look up at them, and they don't make you. they just gently rub soothing circles into your back. they don't ask you to get up, even though the floor really isn't the most comfortable place. they don't keep talking either, just letting the room settle into a silence that's far less heavy than before.

"...nhm." you just grip their shirt tighter. maybe later you can talk about it - maybe while cleaning up all that torn paper. maybe you won't, and it'll happen all over again. but there's a bit of relief loosening that bubble in your stomach- it's not gone, not by any stretch of the imagination. but it's a bit looser, a bit less heavy.

and for today, that's enough.

[0liveleaf]

Child of God stimboard ⋆ ｡୨୧˚

x | x | x x | x | x x | x | x

[0liveleaf]

verses for today. :)

Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

John 14:6

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

[0liveleaf]

- 🔔 • school ! :) 📚 -

[0liveleaf]

͏ ͏ 🪀 𓂅 ˖ ࣪ 𓂂 ͏ ͏ Jessie 𓂅 ˖ ࣪ 𓂂 ͏ ͏ ⭐️ 𓂅 ˖ ࣪

[0liveleaf]

It’s been a year since I got Barnaby! :D

he was my first ever Jellycat :o

Jesus has done so much in my life this past year and getting Barnaby symbolises me working to live life authenticity me :)

[0liveleaf]

Hello :)

[0liveleaf]

What I learnt from my bible study today :) -

- proverbs 16:9 -

“ In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” - proverbs 16:9 NIV / MSG

There are going to be re-routes in life, when we travel unfamiliar places that weren’t originally in our plan. We’ll learn eventually, that was the best way to go ! God is the prince of peace, we’re in good hands, peaceful hands. In reality, we can’t rely on our own plans, God is the upmost high and has a much better look at the big picture. :)

We live, breathe and are able to do the things we love because of Him and live in the blessings He’s given us ! :D

- I hope this encouraged you, friend ! The Lord loves you. You don’t have to “clean yourself up”, He gets it! And He adores His creation just the way u are. :D

[0liveleaf]

Woo ! Merry Christmas !!

I know this time of year can be tough for so many people, but just know, there are bright days ahead. :)

Love you all <33

[0liveleaf]

:D

[0liveleaf]

Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

:)

[0liveleaf]

Toby’s 2nd Birthday. 💗

[0liveleaf]

- Neptune -

⭐️🪁🏡

[0liveleaf]

Crocheting in the hammock with Jessy. 🧶 🌻🌳

[0liveleaf]

˗ˏˋ dream and george plushie hats ! :D ˎˊ˗